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ブログを読んだ友達からよく言われる言葉。 友 「あれ、絶対ウソでしょ、あんな人いないよ。」 僕 「いや、嘘じゃないよ、本当だってば。」 友 「まあ、いいよ。でもさー、おかしな事に巻き込まれたりとか、変な人に会う確立が高すぎるよね。」 僕は、基本的に嘘は書いていない。 僕の友達が言うには、僕が事件に遭ったりおかしな人に遭遇する確立がコナン君が事件に出く遭わすくらい、もしくはコージー冨田がタモリのモノマネで、｢うまいっちゃぁうまいよ。｣と言うくらい高いらしい。 この事に対しての反論を今まで散々してきた。 たまたま遭遇したその日の出来事を書けばそんな感じに見えるだけだという事を、トイレの脱衣所のドアの下に1ｃｍくらいの隙間のあるのは臭いや水蒸気を効率良く除去するためのものだなんて話を散りばめらせながら、コンコンと説明してきた。 自分の日常は普通だと思っていた。 ただ、今日一日を振り返ったみるとそうでは無いかも知れない事をさすがに感じざるを得なかった。 僕のバイク【スカラベオ】  に乗って銀行に行くと、オバチャンに話しかけられる。 オ 「まあ、大きいバイクねぇ。」 僕のバイクにはサイドケースを付けているので、普通のバイクに比べると横幅が大きい。  オ 「こんなバイクに乗っているんだから、あなたは鎧兜を着てバイクに乗りなさい。こんな大きなバイクで事故に遭ったら、あなたは凄い怪我をするわよ。」 一方的に喋ってくる激流なオバサンの右手の中指は、僕の眉間から4ｃｍほどの距離で僕を指差していた。 人を指差すときは、中指ではなく人差し指で差すものではないのかと思う余裕すら無いほど反り返っている。 力を込めすぎたせいか、無理に中指で差したせいか、オバサンの中指はプルプルと小犬のように震えている。 オ 「コレくらいのバイクに乗る時は、鎧兜を着ていれば安全なのよ。」 と、自分の経験に裏打ちされたような口調でバイクに乗る時の服装を提案してくれたオバサンの髪の毛は、三宅裕司が精一杯言ったギャグくらいの中途半端なパーマの巻き具合だった。 僕 「そうですねぇ。」 と、適当に相槌を打つ。 オ 「バイクの事故ってねぇ・・・。」 これ以上話に付き合うと、家の洗面台の鏡が割れそうな気がしたのでその場を立ち去る。 銀行でお金を下ろした後でガソリンスタンドに向かうとスタンドの店員から話しかけられる。 店 「おお、兄ちゃんかっこいいバイクだな。」 僕 「そうすか！？」 店 「こりゃ、荷物が一杯入りそうなバイクだなぁ。」 僕 「そうですね、結構入りますね。」 店 「兄ちゃん、俺は世間のお荷物なんだけど俺はこの中に入れるかな。」 店員さんの両肩が急に空気抵抗を全く受けないほどのなで肩に見えるほどガックリと肩を落としている。 ガソリンを入れに来ただけなのに、突然イクラちゃんに「バブー」と言われたくらいかける言葉が見つからない。 僕 「折りたためれば入れるんですけどねぇ。」 と、草食動物のような答えを返す。 店 「そうかー、俺は心だけは折れた事が無いんだよなー。」 「ハーイー」と言わすことは出来なかった。 ガソリンスタンドを後にし、スーパーに向かうと宝くじ売り場のオバサンに声をかけられる。 宝 「ちょっと、ちょっと、お兄さん、今、スクラッチがお薦めなのよ。チャンスなのよ。」 僕は宝くじ、特にロト6が好きだ。 オバサンの言われるがままにスクラッチを1枚購入。 僕 「アアー、ハズレちゃいました。」 宝 「人生そんなに甘くは無いのよ。」 『身も蓋も無い』とはこういう時に使う言葉だという事を学ぶ。 家に帰ると親から電話がかかってきた。 親 「オウ、お前ミャンマーに行くんだろ？ だったらミャンマーのキーホルダーを買って来い。」 と、なんともプリティーなリクエストを一方的に言われる。 そんな僕は、明日からミャンマーに行ってきます。  ↑クリックするだけで、 無料で募金ができます。  ↑参加中のブログランキング。 つんくの偉大さを知りたくなった人はコチラへ。   |
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面白ネタ待ってますよ。 いつも、事実を表現する才能(芸人魂 爆)が素晴らしい♪と思って拝見させていただいてますよん^ｍ^v 楽しんできてねっ♪ お気をつけて行ってらっしゃいまし〜☆
【2006/08/31 22:21】
URL | 横爺 #-[ 編集]
ピーターさんは日常に溢れるファンキーな人々を 発掘する才能にたけてらっしゃる･･･関心関心。 で、明日なの？？ミャンマー。 お土産は冷蔵庫マグネットでいいですよ。
【2006/08/31 22:31】
URL | 小包 #-[ 編集]
ミャンマーの掛け軸お願いします。 現地報告、楽しみにしてます。 いってらっさ〜い。 イクラちゃんのくだりで吹きだしてしまいました。 今回も面白かったです。 僕はロト6が好きだ という本文とはあまり関係ないエピソードに食いついてくるトラックバックも凄い（笑 だれもが
イクラちゃんに「バブー」言われても、確かに返す言葉はないですよね。タイコさんの解説を待つ。 matchboxさんへ
旅行中盤から後半にかけていろいろなトライをしてきたので面白ネタがあるかもしれないです。 横爺さんへ
楽しんで来つつも、やられながら帰ってきました。 小包さんへ
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掛け軸は無かったんですけど、素敵な原色の仏教画を何個か買ってきました。 梅さんへ
関係ないトラックバックが結構ついて困ってます。 ロト6のトラックバックを見てみたら全く参考になら無そうなブログだったので余計にガックリきました。 kevinさんへ
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